Comments on: What do you think of chapter 1 of my new novel? http://www.honeymoonchecklist.com/what-do-you-think-of-chapter-1-of-my-new-novel Mon, 28 Jun 2010 21:13:47 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: beekay662001 http://www.honeymoonchecklist.com/what-do-you-think-of-chapter-1-of-my-new-novel/comment-page-1#comment-85 beekay662001 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 02:09:07 +0000 http://honeymoonchecklist.com/what-do-you-think-of-chapter-1-of-my-new-novel#comment-85 Hi. You have the beginning of an interesting book, but at the moment it is a wall of words. Maybe it would be better to let the characters tell more of the story rather than you, and by that I mean let the central character discuss issues with the other characters. For instance, the step-mum (who should have a name) can comment on the time it is taking to pack. Or the father or another family member or friend (does she have a close friend that she is going to miss?) can try to assist in packing, and there is another opportunity for conversation. The girl's expectations of living in Australia can be brought out in conversations, her fears, her excitement. As it stands, we are just given a lot of words rather than emotions. For instance, what type of house is she living in? What is the season? Spring, Summer? All of these details can enhance the story and engage the reader. The spoken thoughts will also develop the characters. Good luck with it and keep on with it! Cheers.BK Hi. You have the beginning of an interesting book, but at the moment it is a wall of words. Maybe it would be better to let the characters tell more of the story rather than you, and by that I mean let the central character discuss issues with the other characters. For instance, the step-mum (who should have a name) can comment on the time it is taking to pack. Or the father or another family member or friend (does she have a close friend that she is going to miss?) can try to assist in packing, and there is another opportunity for conversation. The girl’s expectations of living in Australia can be brought out in conversations, her fears, her excitement. As it stands, we are just given a lot of words rather than emotions. For instance, what type of house is she living in? What is the season? Spring, Summer? All of these details can enhance the story and engage the reader. The spoken thoughts will also develop the characters.
Good luck with it and keep on with it!
Cheers.BK

]]> By: bloodtouch18 http://www.honeymoonchecklist.com/what-do-you-think-of-chapter-1-of-my-new-novel/comment-page-1#comment-84 bloodtouch18 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 02:05:23 +0000 http://honeymoonchecklist.com/what-do-you-think-of-chapter-1-of-my-new-novel#comment-84 I like it. It's one of those things that happen in real life from a real person's point of view. I like those kind of stories. Keep writing. Oh and I like the uniqueness of the names too. :) BloodTouch. I like it. It’s one of those things that happen in real life from a real person’s point of view. I like those kind of stories. Keep writing. Oh and I like the uniqueness of the names too. :)

BloodTouch.

]]> By: Tonks http://www.honeymoonchecklist.com/what-do-you-think-of-chapter-1-of-my-new-novel/comment-page-1#comment-83 Tonks Wed, 10 Feb 2010 01:07:21 +0000 http://honeymoonchecklist.com/what-do-you-think-of-chapter-1-of-my-new-novel#comment-83 I didn't read it-the formatting is really screwy on the eyes. However, to get constructive criticism, you should consider posting it on www.fictionpress.com, which is a site for original fiction where people can review your work. It's really cool! I didn’t read it-the formatting is really screwy on the eyes.
However, to get constructive criticism, you should consider posting it on http://www.fictionpress.com, which is a site for original fiction where people can review your work. It’s really cool!

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